Six Barriers to Finding Your Style, Your Voice, Yourself

Six Barriers to Finding Your Style, Your Voice, Yourself

When I sat down to think about style and how it affects my life, I couldn’t stop thinking about the barriers that have influenced my search.

For many years, these obstacles kept me from pursuing things I enjoyed, but now I realize that only I lose out on life when I don’t do what I enjoy. And really … that enjoyment flows over into the lives of those around me too. When I’m content, they can tell. I’m much more pleasant company.

Here are several of the barriers I’ve encountered. Maybe some of them will resonate with you and help you have the courage to move past them as you discover more about yourself.

 

• People pleasing

I admit it. I struggle with thinking I need to please other people. Sometimes, it’s easier to meet their expectations than it is to figure out what I want. But I find that I don’t know myself when I please others too long. When I spend too much time trying to decide what others will like, I don’t spend any time learning what I like. And I slowly lose myself.

My time is valuable. I can’t spend all of it looking for what others will like and looking for what I like. One has to go.

The real kicker? Living to please others doesn’t work. I can’t please everyone. Not even some of the time. Why? Because they all have different likes and dislikes. I have heard it said that a third of the people you know will like you, a third of the people you know will not like you and a third of the people you know you won’t know if they like you or not.

I’ve come to the conclusion that if a third of the people I know will like me, then I can be myself. That third will like me for me, and I’m happier that way.

I don’t want to be someone I’m not to please someone who doesn’t want to know the real me anyway.

And you know what? I don’t want others to try to figure out what I’m looking for and try to give it to me. I love new perspectives and value what they bring to my life, a richer view of the world. I need other people to help me become a better person. I don’t need more of me reflected back to me.

 

• Lack of time

Sometimes, I tell myself that I don’t have time to spend dissecting who I am and what I like. And really, I am limited on time. We all are. We hustle from one thing to another, forgetting six things along the way, and life keeps happening adding more to the lists.

As a creative person, my style plays into all that I do. It perfumes my presence and lingers in the spaces I enter. I learn and grow and help that presence develop or I can hope and wish and look back with crossed fingers that it will somehow reveal itself. But do I want the default that will show up when I look back, or do I want to engage the process and involve myself in the discovery?

Looking and learning doesn’t take a lot of time, just a little intentional time.

 

• Lack of ideas

First, I must say, if I tell you I have a lack of ideas I’m either tired and my brain turned off, I’m sick and need to sleep, or I’m procrastinating because I want a reason to disengage.

My brain rarely stops thinking of ideas. If I could get paid for ideas … Wow!

Still, there are times that a lack of ideas becomes a barrier to growth. I think a little time and a little Pinterest can cure a lot of lack of ideas. Yes, I’m suggesting a little digging for inspiration. You might start thinking you don’t have ideas, but just wait … soon your mind will wake up to new possibilities.

 

• Forgot how to play

We grow up learning to meet expectations written in an invisible rule book. Now, I’m not saying that all rules should be thrown out the window. There is a reason we grow up learning them, but in the midst of that, many years ago, I forgot how to play. I became busy learning the system and making the grade, finding the right answers and asking the right questions.

But in exploration, curiosity blossoms and new ideas burst forth.

Playing is when you do something purely for the fun of it, not necessarily for any practical or useful reason. I used to create soup when I was a girl. Backyard soup. Whatever I found that day went into the soup. It was a seasonal fare. In spring, mud dandelions and sticks went in. I put no planning into It, no forethought. Just concocted it look-and-grab style. So much discovery happens when you grab and go with art. Self discovery, tool and medium discovery. Preference discovery and when to call it finished discovery. 

 

• Perfectionism

Ooo … perfectionism. That creativity killer. That keep it to myself monster. This barrier and the next one are lovely friends and destroy many a dream and effort.  

This is the one that continues to tell you, even after years of effort and learning, that you aren’t ready to show anyone yet. Just a few more classes. Do the project just one more time. But finished and ready never come.

The problem with perfectionism is not you trying to be accurate. It’s fine to strive for excellence, paint realistically or try to create that picture from your head. The problem comes when frustration enters the art process and decides to take residence there. Work out frustration through art? Fine, until frustrations calls your art home and will not let you experience peace there. That’s when perfectionism has won the battle and all you can see is where you think you messed up. That stops creativity.  

 

• “I can’t” Mentality

Have you ever looked at the art out there and sat down, defeated before you started? What began as a great desire to produce something fun turned instantly into a feeling of overwhelming deflate. The “I can’t wait” turned into “I can’t.”

And maybe you can’t, but you certainly can’t if you don’t try. That guarantees failure. Can’t is different than don’t know how and improving is just a little time and effort away.

Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try. ~Michael Jordan

 

Sometimes identifying the barriers to something helps clear them out of the way. I hope you choose to move past some of yours today to develop your style.

 

Here’s a link to the complete visual style study project from the last several weeks. You’ll also find a printable of a trillium if you want to start with the basic shapes. Below is my final project. I thoroughly enjoyed the study and may need to do a few more. I hope you the project as much. 

 

For an extra challenge, make one more style. Try to use a style you don’t typically like. And remember, post your work on Instagram to #patchesofordinary and tag me @joanneegroff. I’d love to see what you come up with.

In a few days, I’ll post a style study project using letters. 

 

Write it. Draw it. Dance it. Dream it.